The best thing I read in the paper (or on the Internet, or in my email, or on the side of a building) today was I Am an Op-Ed Columnist (And So Can You!). I rarely watch The Colbert Report (or The Daily Show) – I have enough friends that email me links to the funny bits.
There were so many “best lines” that it’s hard to pick one. Seth’s was (when Colbert was referring to a potentially new entrant in the 2008, or 2012, or 2016 election):
“Well, suddenly an option is looming on the horizon. And I don’t mean Al Gore (though he’s a world-class loomer). First of all, I don’t think Nobel Prizes should go to people I was seated next to at the Emmys. Second, winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don’t need to care about science, literature or peace.”
Mine was:
“Our nation is at a Fork in the Road. Some say we should go Left; some say go Right. I say, “Doesn’t this thing have a reverse gear?” Let’s back this country up to a time before there were forks in the road — or even roads. Or forks, for that matter. I want to return to a simpler America where we ate our meat off the end of a sharpened stick.”
Or maybe:
“And Fred Thompson. In my opinion “Law & Order” never sufficiently explained why the Manhattan D.A. had an accent like an Appalachian catfish wrestler.”
Well – whatever. The whole damn thing is hysterical.