• #ben casnocha
• #chris schroeder
• #hibernation
• #jerry colonna
• #mental health

After I wrote my post on Unhibernating, my long-time, empathetic friend Christopher Schroeder, whom I originally met through Ben Casnocha (that story is discussed in Give First: The Power of Mentorship), sent me a short note asking, “Have you been ok?”

I responded with a long email explaining why I decided to hibernate in the summer of 2023 and why this hibernation lasted almost two years. After writing a long email (which I’ve been doing a lot of during my hibernation), I asked Chris if I could post my response to my blog, and he said, “Of course.”

The following is my answer to Chris’s question, “Have you been ok? ” I’ve edited it for grammar.

Yes – I’ve been ok.

A couple of things were going on that converged in the summer of 2023.

• I realized I was completely burned out from public stuff. The inbound requests were endless, and even though I could say no to many of them, I wasn’t enjoying them.

• I was tired of the VC industry and its noise. The endless self-promotion combined with “I know the answer – look at me” mixed with thought pieces ghostwritten by marketing professionals and then endless VC Twitter from the same person, much of which didn’t line up philosophically, got me down. And, well, podcasts are so easy compared to writing – the person blathers on about whatever is on their mind, reacts to a current thing, and influences so many with such thin suppositions that are often nonsense.

• Some people I thought I’d respected had shifted some of their behavior, not as extreme as it is now, but it was increasingly distasteful to me. 

• Critical thinking seems to have been discarded in many parts of my world. The view was, “If I assert something loudly or strongly enough, over and over, it becomes the truth.”

• We had closed our latest fund (spring 2023), and I wasn’t enthusiastic about making new investments. After—I dunno—a thousand direct investments, hundreds of fund investments, and a zillion indirect investments, I was cooked.

So, I took a break from all public engagement. It took me about three months to stop looking at anything but I eventually whittled it down to the daily Techmeme email. I also unsubscribed to almost everything, so my inbox became only work and personal emails. I even unsubscribed to Axios Pro Rata (by far the best VC daily) for a while.

I worked plenty (15 boards, supported anyone in our portfolio that needed help), spent a lot of time with Amy, continued not to travel for work, read a few books a week, and ran a lot. I continued supporting philanthropic and government efforts in the background, helping anyone who wanted to lead, but not being public or forward-facing. I also shifted to default no on everything, so I needed a close relationship with someone asking for help to say yes.

I was in great physical shape and planned a three-week, 300-mile run across New York State on the Empire Trail in August 2024. Jerry Colonna would accompany me in an SUV, move my stuff from place to place, and hang out with me when I wasn’t running. And then, Amy and I got Covid for the first time on June 2nd. After being diligent, avoiding it for a long time, and being very hermit-like, I got it randomly during a month in Boulder, where Amy and I were more social than usual. I never figured out who I got it from, and didn’t appear to give it to anyone we were with, so it was as random as it gets.

I tested positive for 21 days and felt extremely crappy for six weeks. I cancelled my run across New York State and, as the summer unfolded, realized I was exhausted all the time. If I went for a three-mile run, I’d have to sleep for a few hours in the afternoon just to be functional. This continued into the fall, after which I accepted that I needed more sleep. Nine months later, I sleep 90 to 120 minutes more a night than I used to (I haven’t used an alarm clock since 2013, so I get up when I wake up.) I’m running a little more (maybe 10 – 15 miles a week), but if I run over 20 miles weekly, I fall apart and need to rest for two to three days. Maybe it’s long Covid, but no one knows what this means. Perhaps it’s sneaking up on 60. Maybe it’s something else.

I picked up Pilates and got disciplined through the winter (twice a week). I’m stretching more (age). I’m trying to get into a weight lifting rhythm (I have inadequate upper body strength – I’ve always been an upper body wimp). But I’m accepting age and know that strength is vital to longevity. I lost a lot of weight (thank you, gila monsters, for helping with that), and all my bloodwork, including cholesterol, is in a normal range for the first time in as long as I can remember.

I worked on Give First: The Power of Mentorship a few years ago after finishing The Entrepreneur’s Weekly Nietzsche: A Book for Disruptors, sent it out to about 25 people for feedback, and, after getting the feedback, was pretty unhappy with the state of the book. I decided to put it on the shelf. I took it down in the fall and started working on it again, but slowly. By the end of the year, I had restructured and rewritten a lot of it, and was excited about it again. I felt my internal energy around engaging with people starting to build up again, and upon reflection, realized how depleted I was in the summer of 2023.

Amy and I are doing great. She continues to be an amazing partner, and I’m overjoyed to spend most of my time with her (both waking and asleep!). While I’ll travel a little this summer, maybe she’ll come with me—or maybe not. 

Regardless of everything going on in the world, I’m ok. Thanks for asking.