I just got a call from Morgan Stanley. Apparently the account that I have there – which has a P.O. Box as an address – now needs a non-P.O. Box mailing address. According to the account service rep that I talked to, this is due to the Patriot Act.
Now – here’s the conundrum. I do not have a “non P.O. Box address”. While my house theoretically has an address, the USPS will not deliver mail to me since I live behind gate at the back end of a state park and they won’t deliver mail to me. If one sends mail to my home address, it ends up at the post office where I have my P.O. Box, at which point the postmistress stamps it with a message that says something like “Not A Valid Address” and returns the mail (ok – sometimes she breaks the rules – she likes us – but we still get the stamp.)
It’s crazy – the government now insists on a physical address for mail, bypassing a federal institution (the Post Office). However, the federal institution (the Post Office) considers my physical address invalid and rejects the mail. The Patriot Act has created an infinite loop for me! Of course, being a good nerd I figured out a solution to this problem, but I’m not sharing it just in case someone from the government (or something the Patriot Act is supposed to protect us against) is reading this.
I’ve been closely watching the saga of AOL’s dance with Microsoft and Google as it’s akin to seeing an aging quarterback take the field during the playoffs and charge down the field one last time (sorry for the football analogy – there was a lot of it on TV yesterday.) As the clock on this deal runs out, it looks like the deal is going to go to Google. The best analysis of this – by far – is from the Googlepark episode “The Battle for AOL.”
In case you were wondering about the new category “AGILEAMY”, it’s for news and thoughts on the following companies: Aol, Google, Iac, Liberty, Ebay, Amazon, Microsoft, Yahoo. I figured this was an acronym that could actually be pronounced (vs. GAAMEILY or YIEMALAG) – plus it’s named after my wife.
For those of you that requested visual confirmation of me posing as Jack Bauer, following are the photos for the t-shirts that Galanos made for my 40th birthday.
I get a little grumpy around Christmas. I’ve always felt like I get short changed with Chanukah. Alan sent me this hysterical overview that provides a little perspective.
1. Christmas is one day, same day every year, December 25. Jews also love December 25th. It’s another paid day off work. We go to the movies and out for Chinese food. Chanukah is 8 days. It starts the evening of the 24th of Kislev, whenever that falls. No one is ever sure. Jews never know until a non-Jewish friend asks when Chanukah starts, forcing us to consult a calendar so we don’t look like idiots. We all have the same calendar, provided free with a donation from the World Jewish Congress, the kosher butcher or the local Sinai Memorial Chapel (especially in Florida) or other Jewish funeral home.
2. Christmas is a major holiday. Chanukah is a minor holiday with the same theme as most Jewish holidays. They tried to kill us, we survived, let’s eat.
3. Christians get wonderful presents such as jewelry, perfume, stereos, etc. Jews get practical presents such as underwear, socks or the collected works of the Rambam, which looks impressive on the bookshelf.
4. There is only one way to spell Christmas. No one can decide how to spell Chanukah, Chanukkah, Chanukka, Channukah, Hanukah, Hannukah, etc.
5. Christmas is a time of great pressure for husbands and boyfriends. Their partners expect special gifts. Jewish men are relieved of that burden. No one expects a diamond ring on Chanukah.
6. Christmas brings enormous electric bills. Candles are used for Chanukah. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about not contributing to the energy crisis.
7. Christmas carols are beautiful…Silent Night, Come All Ye Faithful etc. Chanukah songs are about dreidels made from clay or having a party and dancing the hora. Of course, we are secretly pleased that many of the beautiful carols were composed and written by our tribal brethren. And don’t Barbara Streisand and Neil Diamond sing them beautifully?
8. A home preparing for Christmas smells wonderful. The sweet smell of cookies and cakes baking. Happy people are gathered around in festive moods. A home preparing for Chanukah smells of oil, potatoes and onions. The home, as always, is full of loud people all talking at once.
9. Christian women have fun baking Christmas cookies. Jewish women burn their eyes and cut their hands grating potatoes and onions for latkes on Chanukah. Another reminder of our suffering through the ages.
10. Parents deliver presents to their children during Christmas. Jewish parents have no qualms about withholding a gift on any of the eight nights.
11. The players in the Christmas story have easy to pronounce names such as Mary, Joseph and Jesus. The players in the Chanukah story are Antiochus, Judah Maccabee and Matta whatever. No one can spell it or pronounce it. On the plus side, we can tell our friends anything and they believe we are wonderfully versed in our history.
12. Many Christians believe in the virgin birth. Jews think, “Yossela, Bubela, snap out of it. Your woman is pregnant, you didn’t sleep with her, and now you want to blame G-d? Here’s the number of my shrink”.
13. In recent years, Christmas has become more and more commercialized. The same holds true for Chanukah, even though it is a minor holiday. It makes sense. How could we market a major holiday such as Yom Kippur? Forget about celebrating. Think observing. Come to synagogue, starve yourself for 27 hours, become one with your dehydrated soul, beat your chest, confess your sins, a guaranteed good time for you and your family. Tickets a mere $200 per person. Better stick with Chanukah!
George Bush recently had some deep and insightful thoughts on global warming. “We just need to get nature to cooperate with us. We don’t need to listen to nature. Nature needs to listen to us.”
This product is going to really clean up. It’s way more interesting than an Ajax Reader. I can’t wait to get one. It’ll go perfectly with my craptop.
On Sunday, I discovered via The New Yorker (11/14/05, p. 38) that “… ‘Samuel Alito’ is an anagram of ‘I am a sellout’ …”
NPR had an emotionally devastating segment on the story of the Transorbital (or “Ice Pick”) Lobotomy created by Dr. Walter Freeman in 1946. It was told by Howard Dully, who received an Ice Pick Lobotomy by Freeman in 1960 when Dully was 12 years old.
In Dully’s words: “If you saw me you’d never know I’d had a lobotomy. The only thing you’d notice is that I’m very tall and weigh about 350 pounds. But I’ve always felt different — wondered if something’s missing from my soul. I have no memory of the operation, and never had the courage to ask my family about it. So two years ago I set out on a journey to learn everything I could about my lobotomy.”
I remember joking about lobotomies as a kid, but I have never really thought hard about them. I doubt I’ll joke about them again after listening to this story.